Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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