remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
