hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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