Please, let me fuck your mom
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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