is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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