I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
