you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
