I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
