I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
