you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
