Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
