If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Your face is a jimmy john
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
