when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she was so not down for the gang bang
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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