My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
