I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
