Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
