i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
