just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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