I skipped work to stalk him.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
