my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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