You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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