So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
