Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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