My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
