Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
