so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
