Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
