Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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