I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
