she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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