after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
