i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
