Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
