I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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