More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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