I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm passing your future prison.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
