moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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