So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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