I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
