If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Can Purell be used as lube?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
