please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
