Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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