I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
