please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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