ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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