dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
