It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
