i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
