I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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