hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
