farters have to be the big spoon...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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