she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
