I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
